Henry David Thoreau said, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” Why would you settle for that when you could be amazing?
How To Be An Amazing Man”
(I Can’t Really Be Your Friend Until I Know the Real You)
Manhood is the process of becoming who God says you are and He is the only one who really knows what He had in mind for you. He intended for intimacy to play the major role in you becoming a man – intimacy with God, intimacy with a woman and intimacy with some other men. What is intimacy? It is being “known” at a deep level, all the way down to your core. It is taking off all of the masks, knocking down facades and exposing the real you behind the front. And here’s why that’s so important. Because the real you is the only one who can give and receive love. Love can’t be given to a phony. And giving and receiving love is nutrition for the soul and the spirit. It is the way you grow into your true manhood.
Intimacy requires something that men are not very good at – talking about things that matter. We can hang out with our buddies, talk about sports, our vacation, our job and a myriad of other things that are ok, just not very deep.
Wes Yoder says, “The things that men don’t talk about are some of the most important things in life. They are clues both to our sorrows and to traits we esteem but cannot achieve, to things we love and fear. But rarely do conversations among men drill down to this place where the good water flows…I have observed among men and in my own life, that the things men do not talk about eventually become their secrets. Our secrets become our fears, and our fears in turn become the solitary confinement we exchange for home…Over time, as every man knows, the silence within develops a mind and commanding voice of its own and seeks to become his master.”
That reality leaves us as men in a difficult place. We’re hard-wired for intimacy and it’s required for growth, but experiencing it requires something that we’re not very good at – talking about stuff that matters.
We might open up a little to our wives, but only because she insists (And by insists, you all know what I mean). We might even learn something about talking to God, especially if we’re going down for the third time or in a foxhole. But talking to other men and developing deep intimacy with them just feels a little weird. To tell the truth, I’d rather go play “hide and seek.”
Hiding is what I do. I’m actually very good at it. Most men I know are comfortable hiding. A TV show called “Home Improvement,” captured how most men prefer a close relationship with other men – over a high backyard fence that I can come to and talk to someone like Wilson, who’s smart enough to help me out of a jam, but doesn’t expect a lot from me.
Where did all this hiding come from and is there anything we can do about it?
Let’s take a look at: Read more:
Stay tuned for next week:Peter Hone , “Breaking The Cycle” Part IV